Published Jul 26, 2018Tom Green is Ottawa-born, so that means his French is not bad, and that's how he starts his set at La Maison Theatre. It's a cartoonish display, and whether you're Franco or Anglo, this is hilarious. You don't really know why — it's the surreal beauty of Tom Green; "Le spectacle entier en Français, oui? Le spectacle entier en Française?" he says with an Ontarian accent that just works.
Aside from this very local offer, Green is worldly. He's currently on a comedy tour that'll hit most of the world's major markets, not to mention that he's performed for troops in Afghanistan: "Yep, did a show for the Taliban." On Amsterdam — "A city of people riding bicycles on drugs, so it's like the Tour de France." In Australia they're weird because, when given the chance to cuddle a koala bear, the trainer informed him, "You know, koalas are known for contracting chlamydia"; Green hands it back to him and says, "Wish you'd told me that before I fucked it."
The crowd varied in age, and Green just turned 47. Upon mentioning this, he launches into some generational thoughts, and not in a "millennials do this" kind of way. He firmly believes that, when he was a kid, shit was better because there weren't any cell phones. This is a well-used premise, but his delivery is sincere and we know he's not wrong. When you walk out of your house and the door closes behind you, you're "basically in Narnia." This leads to some Facebook resentment, and some fast crowd work with Chantal and Al in the front row. He points out that 60 percent of modern divorces have a Facebook connection, and tells Al there's "always a Peter from high school." They're just friends though.
Toward the end of his set there are some perfectly placed songs of his, for the super fans. There's a taste of "Daddy Would You Like Some Sausage" from Freddy Got Fingered, which he proudly proclaims as the most critically reviled film in history (we all know it's awesome). He does a little of "Salmon Song" from Road Trip. There's even "Crack Baby Don't Come Back" from the cable access days. It's a treat for hardcores fans, and it's just the right amount.
Nothing is overdone, including being a cancer survivor. It's widely known he had a testicle removed, and he tells us masturbation increase the chances of testicular cancer ("Start panicking now, guys"). All of this reminds you that, even casual fans know a lot about him: Remember Tom Green's House Tonight? And oh yeah, he was married to Drew Barrymore! He was also on season two of The Celebrity Apprentice. So yeah, he knows the President. And the President fired him because he went out drinking with Dennis Rodman; "When a cross-dressing NBA superstar asks you to go out drinking and end up at a strip club, you go."
"One Night Only!" is fresh with just the right amount of throwback. He's now able to utilize the bizarre, somewhat polarizing elements of his former self in sharp storytelling and fast wit. If Tom Green can mature this well, then maybe there's hope for all of us.